U Can't Touch This
by ebidebi
Summary: Seifer has pushed Zell to the limit, and Zell is about to set that brat straight in song! Silly, silly story.


  
"U Can't Touch This"   
  
------------------------------------   
  
The Disciplinary Committee stood at the corner of the cafeteria, patrolling for delinquents. When there weren't any, they picked on Zell.   
  
"Hey! Chicken Wuss, over here!" Seifer called, letting out a guffaw at his favorite name. Raijin and Fujin thought it was funny, too.   
  
But Zell didn't. He dropped his hotdog and stood up.   
  
"What did you call me?" he demanded, his fists starting to shake. He walked up to Seifer as calmly as possible.   
  
"I called you Chi-ken Wu-ss," Seifer explained, drawing out each syllable.   
  
"That's what I thought!" Zell replied angrily. "You just don't get away with that in my crib!"   
  
"CRIB?" Fujin repeated.   
  
"What's are you babbling about?" Seifer asked.   
  
"I said we don't play that way in my hood," Zell added.   
  
"What's a hood?" Raijin asked. "Chicken Wuss is crazy, ya know?"   
  
"Call me Chicken Wuss one more time, and I'm gonna have to bust you up!" Zell threatened, beginning to shadowbox.   
  
"Bring it on, Chicken Wuss," Seifer said calmly.   
  
"That's it!" Zell cried, punching hard. "U can't touch this!" He raised his fist as to punch Seifer . . . but instead, he pumped both arms out to the sides and began to run in place ((remember the running dance?)) "U can't touch this!" Out of nowhere, a beat began to pump, and Zell continued to run in place. "U can't touch this!" he said again.   
  
"My my my my karate hits me   
so hard   
Makes me say   
Oh my Hyne   
Thank you   
For blessing me with hands to punch   
and two hype feet   
  
It feels good   
when you know you're down   
A super dope homeboy from Balamb-Town   
And I'm known   
as such   
And this is a body, uh, you can't touch."   
  
Zell began to do the "Typewriter" dance as the Posse watched in amazement. Raijin's eyes glittered.   
  
"MC Hammer is like my hero, ya know?" he said. Meanwhile, Zell continued.   
  
"I TOLD you, Seifer! (U can't touch this!)   
Yeah, that's how we livin, and you KNOW! (U can't touch this!)   
Look in my eyes, man! (U can't touch this!)   
Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics! (U can't touch this!)   
  
Fresh new kicks, advance   
You gotta like that, now you know you wanna dance   
So move, outta your seat   
And get a hot dog and catch this beat   
While it's steaming, hold on   
Eat a little bit and let 'em know it's going on   
Like that, like that   
Before a mission, grab them back   
Let 'em know, you can't eat too much   
And this is a body, uh, you can't touch!"   
  
At this point, Raijin was doing the "Typewriter", too. And grinning like a madman. Zell went on, now doing the "Butterfly".   
  
"Yo, I told you (U can't touch this)   
Why you sittin' there, man? (U can't touch this)   
Yo, sound the bell, class's in, Seifer (U can't touch this)   
Yo, Raijin, take the verse!"   
  
Raijin did.   
  
"Give me a bolt of lightning   
Maken 'em sweat, that's what I'm giving 'em   
Now, they know   
You talking about the Posse, you talking about a show   
That's hype, and tight   
SeeDs are sweating so pass them a wipe   
Or Quistis, to learn   
What's it gonna take for monsters to burn   
My stick? Legit   
Either fight hard or you might as well quit!   
  
That's word because, ya know...   
U can't touch this!   
U can't touch this!   
U can't touch this!"   
  
Zell took over.   
  
"Break it down!" he shouted. He and Raijin began to breakdance on the cafeteria floor. Seifer and Fujin just shook their heads.   
  
"Stop! Booya time!   
  
Go with the funk, it's said   
That if you can't fight to this then you probably are dead   
So pump your fists in the air   
Bust a few moves, run your fingers through your hair   
This is it, for a winner   
Fight like this and you're gonna get thinner   
Move, slide your rump   
Just for a minute let's all do the bump, bump, bump . . ."   
  
He and Raijin were popping, as Seifer pondered what "the bump" was.   
  
"Yeah... (U can't touch this)   
Look, man (U can't touch this)   
You better get hype, boy, because you know (U can't touch this)   
Ring the bell, class's back in (U can't touch this)   
  
Break it down!"   
  
Zell and Raijin were doing the "Tootsie Roll" ((to the left, to the left, to the front, to the front . . .))   
  
Stop, Booya time!   
  
U can't touch this!   
U can't touch this!   
U can't touch this!   
U can't touch this!   
  
Break it down!   
  
Stop, Booya time!   
  
Every time you see me   
The Dincht's just so hype   
I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the field   
Now why would I ever stop doing this?   
With others making SeeD that just don't hit   
I've toured around the world, from FH to Esthar   
It's "Zell, go Zell, MC Zell, yo Zell"   
And the rest can go and play   
  
U can't touch this!   
U can't---"   
  
"STOP! RAGE." Fujin commanded. She was beyond annoyed and quite ready to use Zan.   
  
"That's quite enough," Seifer said. "Fine, you win."   
  
"Darn tootin'!" Zell replied.   
  
"Man, we should do that again sometime, ya know? I model myself after MC Hammer!" Raijin said.   
  
"No kidding?" Zell replied. "The man can move."   
  
"Well, I'll see you around . . . Chicken Wuss," Seifer said smugly.   
  
"What did you call me????"   
  
-----------------------------------   
  
Oh man, that was DUMB!!!!! Well, I hope you liked it! It was really fun to write, and now I'm not bored anymore!


End file.
